Things I'll never be able to say to you

(Someone knowing you fully, your ugliest sides, your ugliest thoughts, your struggles that you hide OR someone never seeing past the fragile cover you've put on to fool the world. Both the things equally scare me)

I feel the first drop of tear running down as I rest my head on your chest 

A big whiff of your scent is enough to comfort my quavering soul

I was crying yesterday too 

For reasons I myself cannot comprehend 

But today I am crying not because I'm overwhelmed with fear but because I'm overwhelmed with love

I look at your hands, how they try to hold mine 

But I push them away, not because I don't want to feel your touch but because I know I won't be able to let go of it this time

I wish you'd met me after I'd gotten better somehow

But then I don't 

For if I didn't have you right here right now

I wouldn't have myself too

You keep me sane

But I drive you crazy, don't I?

I catch a glimpse of the look in your eyes

Desperate to find reasons in mine

Of why I never seem to fill you in

But how do I tell you of the darkest places my mind has been?

I don't want my darkness to hold you back

And I planned to tell you all about it today

That in every path I decide to choose, I seem to lose my way

Because the only home that keeps me safe is your arms 

And the only way you'll believe that is if I reveal the scars left by my burns

But each time I try to utter a word, I feel a lump in my throat warning me of what's to come

Held back by a shield I took years to build, a flood of tears just waiting to run

Tears to sobs to uncontrollable wails 

And if I cry with you I know I won't be able to stop

But you reassure me again and again as you gently wipe away my teardrop

My head is resting on your chest again 

When I'm with you I find comfort even in the sound of heavy rain

I mutter a ' thankyou ' only loud enough for me to hear

Another drop runs down my eye but this time, it's a happy tear